Limbo

2012 has been a year of changes for us.  We lost two of our elderly cats.  We lost two dear family members.  We had a new baby brought into the family, but also lost one at birth as well.  I got a new boss who belittles and degrades me at every opportunity.  And now I am holding my breath, waiting to see if I will be moving again and starting this all over in another state.  J has his third and final interview today- this time with the corporate executives in Chicago- and then we will probably know by the end of this week if he got the promotion.  And even more, we will find out if the salary is something we can say yes to.  J is now concerned if he says NO after all of this hoopla, the company will blacklist him and never consider him for another promotion ever again.  He feels like it may come down to, no matter what they offer him, he will have to accept it.  The job he has applied for is already vacant, and they want someone in that role as soon as possible.  Which will leave me behind and alone for a few months.  I did it before, but it doesn’t mean I’m looking forward to it again.

We’ve been looking at houses down there online, and trying to scout out the town on different websites and using the yellow pages (to see what shops and restaurants are there).  Last week when J went to interview in person he was able to drive around town and a few neighborhoods.  I think he’s way more excited to move than I am.  But he told me this weekend, this move would probably be temporary as well.  His next goal on the company ladder, would be a regional job, which would require us moving yet again in a few years.  But this is what I signed up for, I knew J was going to pursue higher levels within the company.  I do really like the house we are in right now, it was brand new when we bought it, and it sort of makes me sad to turn it over to someone else after all the hard work I've done in my garden and the personal decorating touches I’ve put on our home.  But we’ve not made any connections to anyone or anything in the community, and other than one or two co-workers we go to lunch with, neither of us have made friends since we moved here four years ago.  So I’m not sure where my trepidation is coming from, when I think about leaving.  Other than the fact that I don’t deal with change- or stress- very well.  This would definitely be a stressful situation for me, staying behind to pack up the house, get it on the market, and still be working full time.  I do not look forward to that.  But it is what it is, and if that is what I have to do for my husband, then I will do it.  But, what would I be leaving behind that is making me feel so blue right now?

I’m also not really thrilled about leaving a company I’ve been at for 11 years.  I’m 46 next month,  I’ve worked full time for 27 years, and I’ve only worked at four companies in all those years.  I don’t change jobs very often.  I love where I work, but I can’t stand my new boss D.  I’m pretty easy to get along with, but my new supervisor is young and has never supervised anyone before, and her people skills (and manners) are atrocious.  She was sent to a managerial training course, but apparently she forgot to take any notes.  I would be very happy to no longer be working for her.  That would be the only reason I’d be okay giving up this job.  Although it makes me mad at the thought of this person “running” me off from a company I’ve worked at for a lot longer than she has, or will.  But I’m going off on a tangent with that subject.  I would be leaving to support J and our family, not because D finally got the better of me.  Today I found out that she knew that I may be leaving, and when I tried to talk to her about it, she didn’t respond and gave me a look that told me, she truly doesn’t give a shit if I stay or leave- which of course I already knew.  Makes me feel really great if it ends up that I do stay.

MISS GEE