I haven't much felt like blogging lately. I haven't much felt like doing anything lately. I'm not sure why. My brain and body have shut down recently, at a time when I need them the most. I have started SO many posts over the last few weeks, and set them all aside. I can't seem to finish a single one. I can't remember what I wanted to say, or my interest quickly wanes, or I just don't want to think about the subject anymore. I've been writing serious posts, about family relationships and the ex-husband. I'll finish them one day.
We are hitting the busy part of the year, when I will only have tiny spots of time to myself here and there. We were on vacation last week, the last big one for a very long time. As soon as we got back this week, I've been in a frenzy because we have company coming in just a day or two. As soon as they leave, then we get on the road for Thanksgiving, where we have to split our time between J's family and mine. Then the same Sunday we get back after that holiday, we literally have more company coming to stay for a few days. In December, we will have the weekend of the 7th home alone, and that is it. We then head off for a five day visit back to our old hometown. Then we have company at Christmas for several days. New Years we also go off, since that is my birthday weekend. January we know we have at least one trip back to the mountains to visit J's family. February is already full of plans as we celebrate both our wedding anniversary and then J's birthday.
My best friend once told me, our schedule makes her dizzy. And she raised two sons! She said we never stay home and when we are home we are busy with company visiting or big projects around the house, she said she wouldn't be able to stand that. I told her I didn't think we were that busy, but I guess maybe we are. I don't know what she does on the weekends, I know some people just like to sit around and do nothing and relax. J isn't that way, if he stops to sit on the couch for five minutes, he falls asleep so he's always up and doing something. I try to keep up, but J's energy surpasses mine by a mile. We had a hard freeze at home while we were away on vacation, we came back to a completely brown yard and most of the plants dead, and all of the trees barren of leaves. I know I should be out doing yard work, but every day I find some excuse not to get out there. And it's not like I'm doing anything in the house that takes up all my time.
My days have been slipping through my fingers lately, and I have nothing to show for it. I am not sitting around or watching TV, so I'm not sure how it goes from 7am to 2pm in the blink of an eye. I know sometimes I snuggle in and read too much, but if I have to have a vice, getting absorbed in 19th century literature is not a bad thing to be addicted to. J is busy at work this week. His department had a big project that his boss was supposed to handle while we were gone on vacation, and of course the boss mysteriously disappeared from the office for three days last week. So, nothing got done. J left the house this morning and said, don't make dinner tonight for him, it will be 8pm or later before he gets back. He has until Monday to get it all done, and it requires him traveling to all the offsite locations to meet face to face with supervisors and employees about some new- very very serious- corporate policies. There are eight of these locations, and he now has only four days to visit them all. Some of the locations are more than a two hour drive, one way.
I haven't worked on my pottery in a long time. I've only made 8 sales on Etsy, so it hasn't exactly inspired me to lock myself away in my studio. I should be working on it nonetheless. I have a friend I promised to make two dishes for, to give as Christmas gifts, and I haven't even started them yet. She has to have them by December 15th. My studio is a mess. J built wonderful storage cabinets for me, but the problem is I have so many jars of glazes and rubber stamps and whatnot, I have to dig out anything I want to use. My work table (and the surrounding floor) end up littered with tons of junk, because I'm so lazy I don't put it all back when I'm done with it. My goal is to get it cleaned and organized this week before our company comes, yet at the same time I know I have to get in there and work on making new items. It's no one's fault but my own. I'm not complaining, just trying to figure out why I am the way that I am. Perhaps I should just give up the battle in this one area of the house- I can't seem to merge "creative" and "organized" together in one workspace. The devil on my shoulder is saying just keep the door closed. It's the bonus room upstairs, no one ever goes up there anyhow.
Despite my attitude, I do love all the visitors at our home and trips away, to spend time with all of our family and friends. I am trying to not be so grumpy right now, and recognize that it is my favorite time of the year, without a doubt. I am just having trouble transitioning to it right now. Last week, swimming with my baby in Cozumel. This week, alone and cold and surrounded by housework. It's enough to make anyone pause and say, damn. I know by the time the doorbell rings for the first time this week, I'll be happy to see everyone, happy to bake, happy to decorate, happy for the holidays, happy to be me and be alive.
MISS GEE
