Just a quick note from me, to all the folks who (don't) read me. I am doing well, at least for me. I'm maintaining- my sanity, my weight, my balance. And that's okay, and I want to be okay with it being okay. Pitiful that I can't reach for the stars, but instead I'm happy just to have an ordinary day like the rest of the planet.
I don't mean to ignore the blog, in fact I think about it every day. In bed at night when I can't shut off my brain, I think about all the things I want to blog about. Then I just have days where I struggle even putting thoughts together, much less finding the motivation to sit down and type. But we've been busy too. A pair of vacations since my last post, and a few weekends in the mountains. Family coming in this weekend and the next week, and we're off for five days at Thanksgiving. Luckily my entire contribution for Thanksgiving every year is bringing one side dish, and showing up- which J takes care of since he does all the driving up the interstate. Another mountain weekend in early December. Family here at Christmas for at least a week. Two back to back family birthday celebrations after Christmas that send us out of town again. Then we have a two-week vacation in late January. February sees our anniversary and J's birthday, both which usually have trips attached to them. It seems like something is always on the calendar. Most people swear we are never ever home. It feels like that. I love going off on adventures with J, but I sure do also love my quiet days at home.
I am always more content at this time of year. The cold weather- at least when it's bright and sunny and clear outside- does my heart and spirit good. It's my favorite season: Winter In The South. Like everywhere else, it's already been colder and arrived earlier than normal here. My days have been spent cleaning up the garden, reading with afternoon coffee at hand, and time in the kitchen making soups and stocks. That's about it. I haven't started decorating for Christmas yet, although I will soon. There's just something about putting away the pumpkins and leaves before Thanksgiving that is wrong to me. It's turkey time, Santa needs to wait his turn.
J and I are both at a bit of a divide. Not with each other, no never. With ourselves. My battles are daily, with my depression. I am deeply committed to my twice-weekly yoga now, and it helps more than I expected. I've upped my vitamin intake, and decreased my junk food habits. Every little bit helps, but it will always be an ongoing process for me. 2014 was definitely better than 2013. And I'm making plans already to have 2015 be even better. There are so many areas I need to work on, besides my mental health. My physical health, my business, my spiritual side. I want to learn to accept that I am who I am- I don't need to be like anyone else out there, and I don't need to meet anyone's expectations other than my own. All I want to do is find my own sense of balance in my life. Balance between artist and housewife, between happy and angry, between going on and shutting down, between doing what I want to do and doing what needs to be done. My hopes and desires don't always coexist, sometimes the many factions within me go to war. Overcoming that is my challenge.
J on the other hand is struggling with his feelings about his job, and is trying to focus on his attitude. He has even suggested to me, that I need to tone down the negative comments, because I like to be a complete smart ass about everything, even tragedies on the news. It's my way of being funny and dealing, but J says it isn't healthy to always be so snide and derogatory and cynical. I agree and I'm working on it. He's even asked me not to cuss so much, because I use the F-word in pretty much every sentence without even realizing yet. I'm awful, and I actually have to make a monumental effort to say shoot instead of shit. Sad.
J's been listening to Joel Osteen every morning and evening in his truck. I think the guy is a complete douche bag, but whatever the messages are, they are helping J to have a more positive experience, so I bite my tongue. I've stopped making fun of J for getting into it. I don't let him listen when I'm in the vehicle with him, just like I don't let him listen to his ultra-conservative political junk. If I'm going to survive life, it won't be because some pompous windbag yapped motivational rhetoric at me through the satellite radio. Anyhow.
Have a wonderful holiday, however you celebrate it at your home. I will be back soon.
MISS GEE
