J is at his physical and emotional limits at work, he is stretched to his breaking point. I know if he had other options, he would leave. My parents visited over the holiday weekend, and my dad asked him how it was going, and J told him he hated his job and wished he could quit. He is the busiest and most stressed out that he's ever been, and it's all because he spends his days fixing problems that other people cause. His job is making him sick, physically. He's having headaches, he's waking up exhausted after long nights of no sleep, he's depressed. I've never seen my husband like this before, and I am powerless to help him. He unfortunately did not get the job with the new company that he interviewed with a few weeks ago, and I think he had pinned all his hopes on that being able to rescue him from his current situation. He wants to walk away from the company, as soon as possible. He just has to have somewhere else to go to first.
My stomach has been hurting ever since he left for the office this morning, just thinking and worrying about him. He's never struggled so much with the job. He's never let it get to him this much before. Every morning I walk him out to his truck, and we talk for a few minutes as he's loading up the huge backpack he brings home every night- the one with his laptop and filled with papers from work. He said he wants to feel passionate about his job again, the way he used to, before the stress and unattainable deadlines and forced shortcuts and hostile directives from corporate. He is too overwhelmed to feel anything but relief when Friday night rolls around, and yet he spends all weekend at home working as well.
Last night he was complaining about his chest hurting, but said not in a "call 911" kind of way. This morning he was saying his face was hurting him. He doesn't normally get headaches, he's not used to them. This is the man who, in 15 years with the company, has never called out sick once. Ever.
Saturday morning we leave for vacation. He told me he doesn't know what he would do right now, if we didn't have this break coming up. I'm hoping that once we drag our luggage through the big doors at the world's busiest airport, then land at the country's busiest city, all the work worries will melt away. At least for that week. I can't promise that he won't be "thinking" about work- he will still be checking emails, he will still be fretting over what new project awaits him upon his return, he will still stress with the anxiety over what got missed or forgotten or just plain screwed up while we was out.
Not being able to help your loved one sucks.
MISS GEE
