Day One, Again

I am an unhappy, negative person and I don’t know why.  I have a normal life that many people might even envy.  I have an extremely generous, loving, caring, patient husband J who adores me and treats me like a princess.  I have a job that pays well and even though it’s stressful to me and I work hard, it’s stable and has great benefits, and I’ve already managed to survive several layoffs.  We are both employed and make good salaries and have a comfortable existence.  I live in a wonderful new house in a clean, peaceful, wooded community.  We have three vehicles, two of which are paid off.  My parents are still alive and happily married and healthy- and so are my in-laws.  I am fortunate enough to have gone to college and received a degree.  We have money in the bank and in our 401K’s, stocks, and manageable debt.  There is not much in my life that I’m lacking, and if I were, I could probably make it happen.

What I am lacking, that money can’t buy, is an explanation for the emptiness inside of me, a deep sadness that no matter what else is going on in my life that is positive, I am always down and out in my head and in my heart.  The first assumption is that I suffer from depression, although I’d be one of those millions on the TV commercials who has never been diagnosed.  I'm not sure if it's crossed wires in my brain or not, but something is wrong with me and the sunny days are passing me by, while I remain in my dark pit.

I am hoping that I can use this blog to lay it all out in the open so I can dissect it all- my thoughts, my fears, my anger, my high points and low places, my issues, and even my dreams for the future.  I'm in my late 40's, if I don't get my shit together soon, then WHEN??

MISS GEE