Wow I've been wanting to get back on the blog and here I am. My only concern is J finding it, but I'll have to be sneaky. In the past I used a web browser that wasn't our default, so he didn't even know it was there and had no way to get on my secret blog here. I can't find my way back to that now, it's been so many years, and I didn't want to download something new that might alert him. But honestly he almost never gets on this old clunky desktop anymore. He has two laptops, one for work and one for his personal stuff like playing games. So he's only on here when he needs to find an old scanned document that's saved on the hard drive. I on the other hand, still have no laptop and I'm okay with that. Phone yes, but with my old eyes and gnarled fingers, I can't really "write" on it for any length other than a text. I will make sure I go behind myself and clean the history. This isn't a crime documentary, he's not going to run programs to find my deleted browsing history. He's actually been wanting to get me a laptop, but I'm okay with our super old computer. It makes me sit down in the office, at the desk, and concentrate on what I want to say.
I'll keep this post shortish. Since the last time I posted- besides the nightmare of Covid- so many things have changed for us. My last post was in the fall of 2018. In the interim, I lost my cat who was sick with cancer back then, but he made it almost two years and for that we were grateful and a little astonished because he made it longer than the oncologist predicted. And I lost another cat to a swift and incurable cancer, my sweet soul kitty girl who I had 17 years, since she was a teeny kitten. That about destroyed me. We got a new cat, a fat sassy little thing who has her own Instagram page with almost 7000 followers. I only have a scant over 400! Cats are so popular online, and she doesn't even do anything but sit there and look cute. So we're "down" to just three kitties these days. One is our senior kitty who we got in 2006 right after we got married. The other two are younger and each came from the last two cities we lived in.
We've also moved TWO more times. Yes, we had barely settled into our house in 2017, and in 2019 we moved again. And again just last month. The first move in 2019- to a beautiful older house right smack in the mountains that I absolutely loved- was due to J's job. He finally, after almost 5 years of constant travel, decided to come off the road. We could no longer live wherever we wanted, so he had to put in for a real job at an actual office. It was a promotion, so there was some give and take, but we landed in the gorgeous and peaceful river valley of a mountain area, and started to enjoy small town living surrounded by stunning views. When we got there, J said he could see us living there for a very long time. But we thought that about the previous house as well. To this day I still regret that decision, but that's for another post. And barely two years of living in the mountains, the unthinkable happened. After 25 years with the company, J was let go. Yes I know it happened to millions during Covid. This however, wasn't Covid related. J's company never shut down during Covid, he never missed a single day and had a job that of course couldn't be done from home. They weathered Covid very well, and that's for another post. He lost his job for political reasons, and four other of his same-position colleagues from across the region were also let go. And then three more quit. So we had to move again.
As for me, my mental health is about the same. The depression comes in waves. This is a bad week so perhaps that's what drew me back to the blog. The anxiety is always there, no matter what. I'm now on meds for all sorts of old people ailments- HIGH blood pressure/sugar and cholesterol. My asthma meds were increased since the area we live in now has extremely bad allergy numbers- I'm now on four different things to help control the symptoms. Physically I'm no better than when I started this blog other than a considerable weight loss. But the weight loss hasn't helped with energy or mood or body pains or my overall health. I still have day-wasting malaise and numbing migraines. I still have a shitty diet of quick grabs like popcorn and crackers, and I definitely don't exercise even though we keep dragging along my treadmill with every move.
I'm currently surrounded by packing boxes still, we've been here about a month now. I kept telling myself I needed another outlet besides daytime TV and putting away craft supplies. So I decided to get back on here. I know I know, no one reads this blog, they never have and I'm still okay with it. I was trying to keep a journal but of course it just turned into a "what I did today" kind of diary and that doesn't help much when I need to vomit out all the bad festering stuff inside of me. So today it was just getting back on and updating the password and such. I may go back and read some of my other posts to see where my head was at. But I'll be back on here to catch up the past 3 1/2 years!
MISS GEE
(The beautiful mountain view from our previous house- SO sad to no longer have this.)
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