Still Stumbling

One issue I struggle with is commitment- which is evident on this new blog.  My plan was to post every day to work out my issues!  

I have a tendency to start a project with a lot of enthusiasm, then slowly lose any desire to continue.  It doesn’t matter what it is, I rarely ever finish anything once I start it.  During the planning stage, my head is so full of ideas and excitement, I can hardly contain it all.  I make copious notes, I research something to death on the internet, find books on the subject, buy whatever supplies I might need.  Whether painting a landscape or tracking calories on a weight loss plan, cleaning out my closet or organizing photos, subscribing to a new magazine or writing a letter to a lifelong friend or enjoying a classic novel I should have read back in college- I start these things but conk out shortly after I get out of the starting gate.  I end up planning it more than I actually end up doing it.

I don’t know why.  I have plenty of time to devote to a number of hobbies and crafts.  And on good days when I’m not in a lot of pain, I have the energy to spend as well.  I have a lot of desire to complete projects, but apparently not enough drive to sustain the effort.  I will vow to whiten my teeth and buy a kit, only to find the strips are expired by the time I decide to ever get around to the process.  I buy plants from the nursery, ready to get them into the ground the next day, but weeks later they are brown and dying, still in the containers I brought them home in.  I pick up vitamins at the pharmacy and set them out on the kitchen counter, and after a few days of being opened, I place them up on the back of a shelf, where they remain forgotten.

I am a serious daydreamer, and I think for me there is a huge disconnect between the plans in my head, and the reality of my capabilities.  In this economy, no one is getting rich from selling pottery or paintings on eBay.  Home improvement projects are meaningless when the value of my house drops faster than I can pay off the Lowe's bill.  Buying a new journal is pointless when I find I have nothing to really say every evening.  I used to think I just procrastinated a lot or got bored easily, but now I see I let things just completely fall by the wayside.  I have years worth of date books, where I chronicled my life for the first month or so, then nothing but eleven months of empty pages.  It's like that every year, no matter how much I tell myself every December this next year I will make entries every single day!  

I even blow off fun projects, easy projects, simple projects .  Oh sure, everyone likes to get excited and start tiling the bathroom floor, only to look at it on day three and think crap I sure have a lot more work to do and this isn't as much fun as I thought it would be.  Me?  I start flipping through a cookbook and never get beyond the appetizer section before it's retired to a dusty shelf in the basement.  That is sad.

And by the way, this is my SIXTH blog that I've started......

If I would follow through with all my “ideas”, I would be the healthiest & wealthiest, sexiest & tannest, most relaxed, organized, balanced person alive with an immaculately clean house and a garden with no weeds and a standing appointment at yoga class every Saturday morning.   I would have read War & Peace twice, I’d have artwork selling like hot cakes online, and I’d finally have my bachelor’s degree and my novel published (the one I can't seem to finish writing).  All of my digital photos would be printed out and neatly arranged in albums.  The junk drawers in my china cabinet would be empty. I'd be back to wearing the skinny jeans I had on when I met J almost ten years ago.

But most days, like today- if I finish this post and get it on my blog- that's a great accomplishment!

MISS GEE