The holiday spirits are not visiting our house this year. This photo is from 2010. Right now our house looks the same as it does on any given day during the year. We did not decorate, at all, not even a strand of lights on a bush, not one stocking hung, not one sugar cookie baked. Don't get me wrong, I love Christmas, as you can tell by my pride and joy above- my tree. But in November, when we anticipated the strong possibility of moving in December, we made the decision not to decorate. Why spend all the time putting everything out for the holidays, when we would probably instead be busy packing up the rest of the house. I hadn't even sent out Christmas cards yet until J made us sit together at the breakfast table this morning, and do them while we had our coffee.
Now it looks like we made the sacrifice for nothing.
J found out this week that one of the two jobs he interviewed for- the one where they told him he was their number one choice- he did not get. It's a long story, but it boils down to the fact that they gave it to someone down there who was coming from an even lower position than J- basically someone they wouldn't have to pay as much, or pay to relocate. The other job remains open, although J was told they are still interviewing people. It makes J realize they are not going to offer that one to him either. If they were considering him, they would not continue to look at other candidates weeks later, if he was the one they truly wanted. They haven't told him no yet, but he is reading between the lines. He is a bit crestfallen, he thought he was getting the job, based on what everyone was telling him. He feels like at his age, mid-40's, this might have been his last shot at getting a promotion to an executive position. He is taking this very personally. I told him, it's a business, they are trying to save money and going after people who will take a cheaper salary. J already makes six figures because he runs one of the biggest divisions in the entire company, and they knew he was not going to accept a pay cut in exchange for a promotion/more responsibility.
I am bummed about it too, although there is still a slim chance he will get an offer for the second job. I am disappointed for him, because I know how hard he works and how dedicated to the company he is, and how very qualified and intelligent and passionate he is about his job. He told me right after he found out about not getting the first job, it took the wind right out of his sails. But I know my husband, he will continue to work diligently, put in the long hours at the office and at home, will take the 2AM emergency phone calls, and he will push forward with new ideas and new programs, to better serve the company and the 400+ employees he is over. Certainly I am bummed for myself too, missing out on the opportunity to live less than an hour from my family, and to stay at home for awhile and try to make all the changes to my life that I had envisioned with this move.
But I looked at my list Friday night- which I entitled "What I Could Accomplish With One Year Off From Work"- and I realized there is not one single thing on there that I can't do right now while working full time, but I have to make myself do them. I may not be able to work on pottery for ten hours every day, but I can work on it for two hours every night when I get home, instead of passing out on the couch in front of the TV. Exercise and lose weight? I have a treadmill. Learn to cook healthier meals? Read more. Paint more. Garden more. There is nothing in my life right now, keeping me from doing those things, except for ME. Work is no excuse, even on weeks when I work 50-55 hours. I still have weekends, I still have evenings. I look at my younger sister who works a very stressful job with long hours, and she has two wonderful children who participate in a ton of activities, and she is always there to enjoy them, to help with homework and projects, to show up for community functions. She makes herself go to the gym, she still enjoys reading at night. She has a beautiful home and yard that she takes care of.
I have no excuses, to not live my life to the fullest, and do all the things- EVERYTHING- that I want to do. It's no one's fault but my own, that my Etsy store has been empty since 2009. It doesn't matter where we live, it doesn't matter if I work or stay at home, what matters is me and my motivation and my dedication to whatever it is I want out of life. My goal for 2013 is to be happy- finally- and stop bitching about what I want to do, and just DO IT!
MISS GEE
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