J and I spent Saturday in the basement going through boxes, and I promised him this week I will keep going on this massive project. I am amazed at how much junk I've clung to over the years, and I don't know why. I still have stuff from high school- and mind you I graduated in 1984- that serves absolutely no purpose in my life now. Old calendars, concert tickets, newspaper clippings, notes from class, boxes of pens that don't work, magazines. You name it. I threw out about 3 boxes yesterday of mostly paper items and have A LOT more to go through. I made another pile for a potential yard sale, and of course we constantly donate to Goodwill so we've always got a large box sitting around where we put their items. I try to convince myself I'm not a hoarder, because everything is neatly put away in containers and stacked in the basement or on shelves. But the truth is, if I've attached so much sentimental value to an airline ticket stub for a trip that J and I took in 2008- and I can't just toss it, well, I probably am dealing with a little bit of the hoarding mentality. It's easy to hang onto stuff when you have the room to store it, but is it healthy emotionally? Of course I will keep pieces that have value, but a brochure for a hotel we stayed at in 2005? Why?? Even if we don't end up moving for a new job, we've got to get rid of the things cluttering our home that don't play any positive role in our lives. Our basement is unfinished, but there are so many boxes down there, if we ever did want to finish it, I am not sure anyone could work around all that mess.
Every time I move, the houses keep getting larger, and that has allowed me to get in that mindset where I hang onto things I don't really need or use, just because I have a place to store it. And I am starting to realize especially at our age, it's just not practical to continue on that way. When I was married to W, we were young and never could afford to buy a house, and over the years we rented and moved around a lot. Finally my parents helped us with a down payment and financing, and at age 34 I became a first time homeowner (W & I split up 3 years later). We had a small starter house that was cheap, a good thing due to W's chronic self-imposed unemployment and drug addiction. I paid the bills, and my parents helped out. W's contributions were mowing the lawn and changing the oil in the cars. But, the house was perfect for the two of us and the dog. About 1300 square feet. We didn't have much, and what we did have was mainly hand-me-down furniture which was fine. I was still living alone in that little house when I met/dated/married J. J had his own house that he eventually sold. However, trying to suddenly squeeze all his belongings into my already fully furnished little place didn't work well. Plus, for me the ghost of W still haunted the hallway and kitchen, and I wanted out as soon as possible. J was content to live there, as the house payments were a meager $475 a month!
J and I bought a house together shortly after we married, and it was my dream home, and I still feel that way even though we only got to live there 2 1/2 years. It was big enough for all our things, at 2600 square feet and a separate workshop for my crafts, and we even had rooms that were empty which we soon filled! Enter 2008 when we had to move for his job and we now had more things and furniture, and the only house we could find that we both liked which would fit all our stuff, was a 3000 square foot home with a 2500 square foot basement. Yes, that's the house we live in now, below. 5500 square feet for two people and a passel of cats. Utterly ridiculous isn't it. Thankfully the house was the last one in the neighborhood and the builders were desperate to get rid of it and be gone. So we got a fantastic deal on it. And of course the cycle started over again because it was so big, we have ended up just accumulating more to fill the empty spaces. And don't think I can't read between those lines about buying stuff to fill empty spaces.
Some days I'm embarrassed at our excessiveness, but other days I tell myself we both work super hard, we pay our bills, we put money in our savings, and we donate a lot to charity. We can afford it, we deserve it. So what if we have an unnecessarily big house?
The "so what" is starting to hit us now. With the potential move south, and looking at houses online, we don't want to continue with the trend of buying bigger. Instead, we're sorting through our possessions and making lists of what we don't need or want anymore. The housing down there is more expensive, and to keep the same size house that we have now (and of course they don't have basements down there near the beach), it's just not a smart financial decision. We only owe $50,000 on our house, and we don't want to get in a situation where we move, lose my income, and suddenly have a huge mortgage. Why would we pay more for a big house, just to keep (store) crap we don't need. Sounds like a no-brainer to me.
The ONLY solution is for the two of us to start digging in and tossing/selling/donating like crazy. J has said even if we don't move, we need to do this, and I agree. I have to tell myself that if it's been in a box in the basement for the last few years, what part does it play in my life, my happiness, my future. Somehow I don't think a folder full of homework from the shorthand class I took in college, really needs to be taking up any space whatsoever in our home. So why am I having such trouble making decisions on what to keep and what to get rid of? Sometimes it feels like I am throwing away a part of me, tossing away my past. I know schoolwork is not really important, but I look at the pages with my handwriting and think, this is me. But it's not, it WAS me. I'm 46 now, not 16.
I just need to watch another episode of Hoarding Buried Alive, and that should help me move forward, on the right foot!
MISS GEE
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