And this isn't going to change, not as long as he keeps to his current position. From the discussions we've had lately, this will probably be the job he'll stay in until he retires, as long as the company will have him. So routines are gone, plans are pencilled in with question marks instead of inked with confidence.
Maybe I'm whining because he didn't get to come home the last weekend. The warehouse he's been working at lately went on strike, so panic ensued and he had to remain in place to man the helm. I had to work a planned craft show by myself, a miserable experience. I had a few acquaintances say they would have set up with me, but alas they already had their own plans. Yes, I did too- my plans were to work the show with my hubby! This isn't the first time J has not come home on the weekend. There have been a few other times when warehouses either went on strike or threatened it, which is just as bad because then everyone sits there hovering on their chairs, waiting.
And this definitely won't be the last time either. Although most of the divisions in the company aren't unionized, he is after all a troubleshooter, and the union warehouses seem to have the most trouble. So this is something that I will just have to shrug off, and learn to roll with. They wanted him to stay through again this weekend, but he said no I won't be gone three weeks. And although he came home Friday, here it is Sunday morning and he is already long gone, back to a gloomy soggy North. But I remind myself that this job is the reason why we have a wonderful life and have this amazing future to look forward to together.
Most of the routines I'm talking about are just the simple daily ones, nothing profound, nothing world-changing. I'm talking about having dinner together in the summer while watching baseball on TV every night. Picking up a Redbox movie (yes, really) after our Friday date night dinner out. Shooting basketball in the driveway after work. Morning coffee and reading the paper before he shuffled out the door to the office. Things I can certainly continue to do by myself now, but they sort of lose meaning. I still eat dinner of course, just at 5:30 instead of 8:30, when he would get home from work. After 30 years of getting up at 5am to go to work, my body still wakes up early on its own every day, so I'm still up before the sun making coffee and catching up with the world news. Just by myself now. And even if I wanted to sleep in, the cats don't allow me that luxury.
But I am dealing with it, as we approach the One Year mark of his travels. I am making my own new routines every day. I might love to dabble with art and be creative, but I also like schedules for myself. I like to know that my day has a beginning and an end. Maybe that's the former accountant in me, I don't know, wanting to tick off all the boxes. As I mentioned before, change is hard for me, even the smallest, most insignificant ripples in my day. But change is part of life, and I'm finding lately that the best way to deal with change is not just allow it to happen unchecked, but to meet it and challenge it with my own expectations. If this is being taken away from me, then I will do that instead. You can't always control things, but I can control my reactions to them. I talked about that enough in my last post.
No matter what happens I just want to be able to, at the end of the day, at the end of my life, look back and say yep, it all came out alright and I did okay.
MISS GEE
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