One Is Not A Lonely Number

I am trying to be happy today, because the vacation countdown is officially less than a month now.  All the arrangements have been made, and J has tasked me with getting online and finding fun things to do while we are there.  From the photo above you'd never guess our big splurge vacation this year is to Canada!  I don't much care where we go these days, I just look forward to the uninterrupted time I spend with my husband.  I don't get that at home.  I can kiss weeknights off, because J gets home in time to eat dinner, pay bills online, and fall asleep on the couch.  Weekends we spend together, but it's most always taking care of household errands- the garden center for mulch, running the vehicles through the car wash, looking at new down spouts for the gutters, going from store to store to price BBQ smokers.  That sort of stuff.  

And although I'm "with" him, I definitely don't have his undivided attention.  His mind is usually concentrating on things like how many bags of fertilizer he'll need to cover the yard or looking out for who has the cheapest gas.  Not to say that we don't ever do anything fun on the weekends.  We love flea markets and antique stores and auctions, we go to odd but interesting places like railroad museums or wild bird sanctuaries or civil rights monuments.  Things others would find weird or unworthy of their precious Saturday afternoon, I'm sure.  And things I wouldn't do alone.  But with J, even something like a behind the scenes tour of a local TV news studio turns out to be more enjoyable than I could have ever expected.  We prefer to steer clear of the chain restaurants and seek out local eateries on back roads or side alleys.  We like quirky.  Together.  And it's always an adventure for us, no matter what we're doing or where we're at.

Now that I'm staying home all day, J worries about me not having a social life.  I, however, do not worry about this.  Going to work every day at a job I hated, around people I barely tolerated for years, is not a social life anyhow, so what exactly did I "lose" there??  The only socializing I did at work, was going out to lunch once or twice a week with J.  Most of the hobbies I have, are best left as solo ventures.  Writing, reading, pottery, painting, gardening.  Sure, I could go to one of the local "art party" places and pay money to sit in a room with other people I don't know and paint a landscape.  But why would I, when I have my own comfortable space here, all my own supplies, and the peace and quiet I prefer.  And I don't drink alcohol at all, so anything revolving around wine or cocktails holds zero interest for me.  I find that a lot of those "social" situations like painting parties or girls' night bunco tournaments, are not so much about being around people- it's more about getting away from the other people you already spend day in and day out with.  For me that's J, and rarely do I ever want to be away from him, and I wouldn't exchange an evening with him for all the free hors d'oeuvres in the world.

If I want to go to the nursery and look at flowers, if I want to stroll at the farmers market, if I want to go have a fresh salad and bread at the bakery- I don't need company and I am perfectly content to do these things by myself.  I know people who would rather die than go out to eat at a restaurant alone.  Seriously?  I don't understand why.  Embarrassment at being seen alone?  Just being uncomfortable with your own company in a public environment?  I know people who wouldn't even go to a gym alone, they have to have someone else on the equipment beside them to talk to.

Before we moved here, I did have a few very good and close girlfriends.  Even so, we only got together occasionally for dinner or Saturday morning coffee.  Just to sit and chit chat.  I like that, I like sitting and talking with someone without distractions or commotion.  But activities?  Not so much.  Once not long ago, I tried spending the afternoon out shopping with a friend, and I wasn't too into it.  With J it's different, we can look at something and say, wow wouldn't this look great in the living room, should we get it?  With someone who is just an acquaintance, activities together just don't hit all the right buttons like it does with J.  J has talked about taking family vacations, as in, a cruise with our parents.  Never!  Even when I spend the holidays in a cabin with family, I am ready to escape by day three.  He somehow thinks a cruise would be more enjoyable for me, if I had my mom there- really?  My favorite thing to do on a cruise is sit on the balcony and read- how does having my parents there enhance that situation?  So, I've more than once put the kibosh on a family vacation.

I do like dinner out with another couple once every so often, and I don't mind if J invites his best buddy to meet us for lunch in the city, again just occasionally. I do not want other people around us every single time we walk out the door.  And I don't need other people around me all the time.  There is a huge difference in being alone and being lonely.  I am alone all day long now, and I am fine with it, and it's been wonderful.  But at work, surrounded by people for 12 hours a day, I was incredibly lonely because it was the type of place where everyone kept their heads down and stayed inside their little cubicles, and people rarely spoke to one another.  That was the essence of loneliness, and day after day, year after year of it.  But although I like being alone during the day now, I'm sure I would not want it for the next ten years, and when I'm tired of being home by myself I will know it's time to go get another job.  But, not because I'm "lonely" at home.

I know people who have a social calendar that is filled, and I'm thinking about my sister here.  Dinner parties and cook outs and kids' play dates and family gatherings and business luncheons and community organizations.  Always with someone, never a moment alone.  Always on the phone, always texting.  These are the people who say they never have a minute to themselves, they never get to do what they want to do, they never have a second of peace.  They pay lots of money to go to the spa just to sit for an hour or two in a quiet atmosphere, alone, to do something "nice" for themselves.  Sometimes people choose the chaos in their lives.  They say yes to another BBQ at a neighbor's house on Saturday, when what they really want to do is sit by their own pool and read a magazine alone.  Every year for Mother's Day, my sister's gift from her husband is- he gets up early and takes the kids off for the entire entire day, so my sister can be alone.  That is what she wants, the gift of being alone for awhile.  And maybe this is all easy for me to say because I don't have children.

I don't think I'm weird or antisocial for preferring to be by myself during the day!  Am I??

MISS GEE