Comfy Cozy Content

J zipped out of the house this morning at 6:30, for an early meeting at work, then a flight with his boss to go visit another division out of state.  Nothing exciting, just to look at new equipment our warehouse is getting this year, to watch how it works, etc.  J wasn't thrilled, he is incredibly busy this week, and to keep him out of the office for two days means he will probably have to work from home all weekend to get caught up.  He may be an upper level manager, but he still has reports and deadlines and projects.  He's been grumpy all week because of this trip, and he'll be back very late tomorrow night.  It's cold here this morning, down in the teens, the kind of cold that penetrates the windows and even though the heat is running, I'm still wearing a sweater inside.  All four of the cats are huddled around the fireplace, waiting for the sun to come up- and through the windows- so they can stretch out on the floor and get warm.  We only had enough creamer in the house this morning for one cup of coffee, and I let J have it.  I braved the cold temps and headed out to the store not long after he left, because me without java is like me without oxygen.  I won't survive for long.  And me having coffee without creamer is like, well, just gross.

I had the conversation again this past weekend with J, about me not working.  He is still standing firm about me staying at home.  I think he likes me being at home more than I do, and as long as he feels that way I'm okay with it.  He said if I get to the point where I'm just utterly miserable at home, then we'll talk. He's still concerned about me socializing, which is very low on my list of priorities.  Frankly, even most people out there in the world communicate primarily by emails and texts these days.  So I don't believe that staying at home is quite as isolating as it used to be.  I know he would go nuts, but he doesn't have many solo hobbies, and he doesn't even like to read.  I do still go see my physical therapist, although not quite as often, and she and I have become friends over the years.  I talk to my girlfriend back home on the phone, although those are very one-sided conversations.  Her crying and whining and me sighing heavily while I listen.  I don't enjoy talking to her at all, but I do it out of loyalty and love.  And I do still have my group support meetings every Friday morning, where I spend an hour with the same folks each week.  But J feels as though that's not enough.  He has been strongly encouraging me to go start the yoga classes at the studio I've been eyeing, and to start classes at one of the craft stores (our little town has a Michael's, Jo-Ann's, and Hobby Lobby!) in the evenings or weekends.  I'm up for all of that, I just haven't gotten to that place yet where I'm ready to commit.  I know, that sounds silly, it's not like I don't have the time.  Right now, I just don't have the energy.  I'm still working on it- the more my depression eases, the more I'm excited to go back to doing yoga or to learn a new craft.

Both of our health issues are getting better, and J believes it is 100% because of my being at home.  He said he's afraid that if I go back to work, all of our progress will start to backslide.  J is at the lowest weight he's ever been at since I've known him, and although he's still going out to lunch with the guys at work, every morning I get up and fix him a healthy breakfast, and every night when he gets home I have a healthy dinner waiting on him.  That never happened when I was working out of the house.  With the cold weather, J has been craving soup for dinner almost every night and I've been trying out new recipes.  We both know that the tendency to gain weight is high in the winter, with yummy casseroles and hefty roasts the norm, so we've made a conscious decision to eat lighter instead.  Roasted veggies, soups, and yes even salads.  We still go out to eat on the weekends, but not every weeknight like we were doing when I was trudging out of the office at 7pm.  I'm still working on my own battles, but the number on the scale is steadily going down.  I know it also gives him peace of mind that I can increasingly do more of the household chores that always fell on his shoulders in the past.  The other day he told me how much he enjoyed having the bed made every day now.  Before, I ran out of the house so fast in the mornings that at night when we were exhausted, we fell into a mess of tangled sheets and blanket.  It's amazing how something so simple, could please him so much.  And I'm thankful they are things I can continue to give him, give us.

We did talk about downsizing our vacations and trips this year, and J said he plans to stay out of the casinos.  All of that was okay, back when we had my paycheck as our disposable income to play with.  We haven't been to any auctions or estate sales lately, simply because we got bored with them, we used to go two and three times a month and spend way too much.  The last few weekends, J has been extremely content to stay at home and work in the garage and basement.  Even though we still have a lot of winter left, he's cleaning up the garage now.  He has decided to take a stab at learning some woodworking skills on his own, and on a recent trip to see his folks, his dad loaded up the back of our truck with cedar from trees he cut down.  J has a garage filled with tools that he never uses, so for 2014 his promise to himself was to start staying at home on the weekends, and be happy about it.  I don't think we need to be on a lake or a boat or in a casino in order for him to relax and detoxify his soul.  In the past, after a long week of stress at work, J always wanted to escape and we almost always went out of town every weekend.  He vowed to himself to slow down and start enjoying his home, his yard, his real life.  I hope he does, life is too short, and we both have to learn to love the one we are living right now.  If I can help him with it, that makes me extremely happy.

MISS GEE