Rolling Along

A good morning for blogging about miscellaneous stuff, although I have no real deep subject in mind.

I am trapped at home waiting on the four-hour-delivery-window of our new bedroom furniture.  Finally!  We've been using my old bedroom set from my brief single days between marriages, and a really cheap mattress J and I hastily bought just days before our wedding, none of which has held up very well.  I never had a true bed, just a headboard attached to an old metal frame that used to be on my parents' bed many decades ago.  The old furniture was relegated to the basement over the weekend until I decide what to do with it.  I have ideas swirling around in my head about repainting and repurposing it all, since one day we will finish the basement and have bedrooms down there.  The "one day" is a running joke with my hubby- we've been in this house almost five years now, and we both know the one day will probably never come, although we talk about finishing the basement at least once a week. We both love the idea of a basement we can use for something other than storing Christmas decorations and boxes of old books.  But our basement is 2500 square feet and to finish it off, well, the prohibitive cost overshadows any of our plans.  The new debt would not be worth it.  About half of the homes in our neighborhood have basements, but as far as we know only one has a finished one.  The rest are like ours, nothing but concrete floors and studs.

The photos here are of my sister-in-law's property, and the view from her back porch which I never tire of.  She lives the country lifestyle that I've always envied.  They have horses and goats, chickens and pigs, a cow.  All are well-loved pets.  She's been a vegetarian for nearly 30 years now, she drinks raw milk and picks berries for homemade pies.  She keeps a cozy home for her family, an old house with warmth and character, and filled with only meaningful treasured items.  She grows her own herbs and concocts her own medicinal teas and feel-good remedies.  Her healthy diet and working in her beloved garden, keep her naturally lean and calm.  I think about how much time I have to force myself to sweat on the treadmill just to try and squeeze off one or two pounds, then beat myself up when I eat a greasy hamburger.

Most days I wish that J and I could live a more simple life, without the bills, without the expensive vacations and hobbies, without all the material things that tie us down, especially this house.  I know, it's not a wish, it's a choice, one that's in our power to make.  J wouldn't have to work 70 hours a week at a job that is killing him, I wouldn't have to spend so much of my newfound freedom at home cleaning. Last night at 9:30 I was dusting and I thought to myself, wow, I know it needs to be done but this sucks.  And last night, after going in at 6:30 in the morning, J didn't get home from work until well after 8:00.  The first thing he said coming through the door was, I hate my job.  Yet over the weekend we went to an antique show and bought things neither of us really needed.  And that's why J is stuck in his unhappiness.  Because we let our momentary wants override our common sense. We know we need to stop it, yet we'll both be online later this week trying to find an auction to go to on Saturday.

I am still making my pottery and I have over 70 pieces now listed in my Etsy shop. I get a lot of likes and a lot of admirers, but no sales, which has me a bit in the dumps.  J said eventually I'll get discovered and I won't be able to keep up with the orders, and he is sweet for trying to support me and give me an ego boost. But I am getting a tad bored with putting all my creative energy into something that amounts to nothing more than pretty pictures sitting there online.  I may go back to painting for awhile, later in the year.  My wrist surgery is in three weeks, and afterwards I'll be in a brace 24/7 for at least two weeks.  The doctor said for a 100% total recovery, it will be 2-3 months where I can't pick up or pull at anything using my right hand.  But lately I have days where I can't even hold a pen and write, so not having the surgery isn't really an option.  It's going to make for a long next few months, and whatever pottery I have listed on Etsy as of next week, will be all that I'm going to make for awhile.  Maybe I'll have a better business plan ready for 2014.  I also know I need to brush up on some of my skills and perhaps branch out to new endeavors, like making jewelry or upcycling small items.

I have my melancholy days like today, where I just overthink every little thing.  I waver between loving my life with J just the way it is, all the wonderful places we go and the things we do together, but wishing we could just slow down.  Perhaps it's the weather, this has been our rainiest summer ever, and we even hit a record low last week- 65 as a high one afternoon.  August, in the Deep South!  It's been gloomy on most every single day this summer, I mean thick gray cloudy skies from morning until night, yet the humidity is as unappealing as ever and keeps me indoors.  I feel as though I've spent the whole summer with all the lamps on just to chase away the darkness at noon. We haven't seen any of our normal sunny 90's at all.  And it makes me yearn for my upcoming favorite seasons, fall and winter.  It makes me wonder about a life in another place- Oregon or Maine.  As always, my head is out of the moment that's right before me and drifting off to somewhere else.  I think not being able to focus on the here and now, is the cause of much of my depression.  I dream that things would be better if, if, if....instead of realizing that things are pretty damn good.  Here.  Now.

I know having land and animals is hard work in its own way, but I have to think that spending an early autumn afternoon cleaning out your own barn or grooming a horse and gathering eggs, is hands down more satisfying and less stressful than meetings with cold corporate honchos and trying to make impossible deadlines and just the constant pressure from others.  If I could trade in everything we own and pay off everything we owe, I would swap it all for the quiet rolling hills and the misty morning sunshine, to be shared with J.

MISS GEE