After waiting around for this last week, hoping to hear about his promotion, J found out that they are now starting the interview process all over again with new people. For him, that's pretty much a red flag that he didn't get the job. He is beyond down in the dumps. This is the sixth time he's interviewed for a promotion. The sixth time he hears all the right things- "you are the number one candidate!"- and the sixth time he's faced rejection. He always takes it hard.
I tell him not to take it personally, I'm sure it was a business decision. But he said how can he not take it personally? They are rejecting him- his career with the company, his desire to move up, his leadership abilities, his dedication. The sad thing is, J really really does love his job and loves the company and loves what he does for a living. He wants to continue with his career, he's just ready to take it to the next level before that creeping sensation of burn out catches up with him. It's hot on his heels right now and it gets closer with every day, every week.
So these are the times where I'm at a loss. When you are the one who always needs support, always needs to be lifted out of the doldrums- it can be a daunting task to figure out the best way to help someone else. I support J in his decisions, and I support him with his plans for our future. I try to contain my anger and support him when, like today he said he has to work until 9pm on a review board that his boss is supposed to be handling but is making J do it instead.
As for me personally, I am totally defensive about my husband. As his wife, the only person who sees all the behind-the-scenes action in his life, I know there is no one else as deserving as he is for a promotion. No one as qualified. No one who has put in his dues like J has. But I am biased, I know. For every person who interviewed for this job, I am sure they had someone cheering them on from home. I will always cheer for J, he is the most amazing man and husband in the world. But I don't know how to make him feel better about his "work" persona. I say the right things- I'm sorry, it's okay, it will happen one day. But I know it doesn't help his mental state right now. This morning all he could talk about is- "what did I do wrong?" He starts to beat himself up over some imagined flaw, something he must have said wrong in the interview.
This morning I told him, we will speak no more about this promotion. We will go on with our life together. If by some miracle he gets a happy phone call in a few days, then it will be a nice surprise and we will celebrate it. If not, then we carry on today as scheduled- trying to fit in a visitation for a friend's brother amid J's multiple review board cases. We will go on with our plans for the weekend- lots of yard work and finding someone to paint our house a new color. Monday morning he will get up and go to work as he does at the start of every week. We will go on with our normal days and nights and love each other and that's that. I told him, if he doesn't get this job, it's for a reason. Yes I know that's a cliche, but I believe it. Things do happen for a reason, even though you may never ever find out what that reason was.
J knows that I love him, but in this situation there is nothing I can say or do to make him feel any better. He knows I'm going to love him no matter what job he has or what company he works for. But once he gets to the workplace and all hell breaks loose- which it seems to do more and more often these days- then I'm not so sure my unwavering love offers any real comfort in those moments of high stress and fatiguing long hours.
Normally I leave him alone during the day, knowing how busy he is. But lately I've been trying to call him more often at work, at lunchtime when I know he's in his office for a brief few minutes, to let him know I am thinking about him and I love him. Some days I can hear the stress and hurriedness in his voice, other days I hear the softness in his words that says he's happy to hear from me. I just wish I could wave a wand and make all his troubles disappear, and grant him the recognition and future he so rightly deserves!
But I know J. He will put on a good front, he will seem as though he is shaking it off and moving forward but I know better- I know it will eat him up on the inside for a long time as it always does. But he will call me tomorrow afternoon in a tired yet glad-the-week-is-finally-over voice and say let's go to dinner and a movie Friday night. Saturday we will go to the garden center and get mulch for the flower beds. Sunday we will sleep in and spend the morning over coffee and the newspaper. And one day, he will put in for another promotion. But no matter what goes on during the hours when J isn't at the house, our life together- our REAL life here at home- will never change. We both take comfort in the certainty of that future.
MISS GEE
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